


Light at the end of the tunnel

by ThePurpleWarlock



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Mentions of Death, Multi, mentions of abuse, mundane AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:53:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25570042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePurpleWarlock/pseuds/ThePurpleWarlock
Summary: Emma and Julian are single parents with pain in their pasts, but through their children's friendship they develop something themselves
Relationships: Julian Blackthorn/Emma Carstairs
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There will be mentions of abuse and death so may be triggering for some people.
> 
> Please leave a review and let me know what you think!

Emma parked the buggy that had her one year old daughter Layla in and pulled her blanket up a bit higher before she leant against a wall with some of the other parents, waiting for her son Noah to come out of his after-school art club. She, Layla and Noah had recently moved, in order to escape Emma’s ex and the children’s Dad, and as a result, Noah had just started a new school. Waiting him to make some new friends, she had allowed him to join the art club at his school. Looking around, Emma couldn’t help but feel a little left out. It was clear all the other parents knew each other, and were all talking amongst themselves, whereas she was stood by herself. She’d been so focused on making sure her seven-year-old wasn’t too messed by his Dad, the sudden move to a new home in a new town, and starting a new school, she’d hardly thought about herself. Not to mention she also had a baby as well to look after, who needed her Mum in her own right. She’d managed to get a job as a sports therapist, but hadn’t allowed herself to make friends with her new co-workers. She was scared that once they knew her past, they would pity her and the last thing Emma wanted was pity.

Emma was so caught up in her own thoughts that she hadn’t noticed that the art club was over and the children had started coming out, causing a wave of guilt to wash over her. A quick look round was enough to tell her Noah hadn’t come out yet, which met she hadn’t missed him whilst she’d been distracted. It was then she noticed him at the door, with whom she assumed was the teacher, pointing in her direction. Plastering a smile on her face, Emma, along with Layla walked over, hoping this wasn’t anything more than the teacher not knowing what she looked like, and not wanting to let Noah leave until he knew someone was there to collect him. “Hey buddy” she said once she was closer, reaching her hand out to him. “Mrs Carstairs?” the teacher asked, bringing Emma’s attention from her son to the man standing next to him.

Emma found herself blinking a couple of times. The man was less “primary school art teacher” and more “Greek god”. He was absolutely gorgeous, but Emma quickly pulled herself together, reminding herself what had happened the last time she’d fallen for a gorgeous man and left her senses behind. “It’s Miss but yes that me” she replied, trying to sound light and breezy. “Is...is everything alright?” she then added after a slight pause. The teacher pulled a face that Emma knew all too well. The face a professional made when Noah had said or done something that wasn’t the sort of thing a normal child of his age, and they felt the need to ask questions. “Just a couple of things Noah said that I need to clear up. Would you be happy to come in tomorrow just before home time to do so? He asked, and Emma’s stomach dropped. She really shouldn’t be surprised that this had happened really. Emma nodded and took Noah’s hand. “Of course, Mr...” she started, then realised she didn’t know his name. “Blackthorn” was all he said in reply.

Emma had the feeling he’d have said more had a little girl who looked to be Noah’s age tugged on the teacher’s hand with a whine of “Daddy, I’m hungry. Wanna go home”. A daughter, meaning he was already taken. Well at least she could stop her imagination getting away from her. With a quick Thanks and a goodbye, Emma, Layla Noah headed home to the small flat she’d managed to get for them. “Am I in trouble Mummy? Is that why Mr Blackthorn wants to talk to you?” Noah asked, looking up at Emma with big round eyes like saucers. “Of course not sweetheart. He just wants to make sure your OK, given that you are new” she said, hoping he brought the lie, which thankfully he did, as he went on to talk about his day at school, and about Art Club.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of past abuse and death so may be triggering! Please let me know what you guys think in the comments!

The next day, Emma collected Layla from the crèche that her work had for parents of young children, and went to Noah’s Primary School for her meeting with Mr Blackthorn. Layla sat babbling in her buggy whilst also munching on a banana. Arriving at the school, she headed to the art classroom where Noah’s teacher was waiting for her. She felt sick but was glad in a way she was getting this conversation over and done with sooner rather than later, and was subsequently not hanging over her head like a dark cloud. To her surprise, Mr Blackthorn had seen her out of the window and had opened the door for her. As she entered the classroom, Mr Blackthorn said “thank you for coming to see Miss Carstairs” causing Emma to blush despite herself. 

“Not a problem, and please, call me Emma. I would do anything for my children. I hope you don’t mind I had to bring my youngest, I didn’t have anyone to look after her” she replied, realising she was babbling and managed to stop herself before she said something really stupid. Mr Blackthorn gave her a sympathetic smile as he gestured a seat for her. “Oh don’t worry. I’ve heard all about her from Noah and she seems very well behaved from what he’s said. And if we are to be on first time name basis, then please Julian” Julian replied as Emma took a seat. “Speaking of Noah, I assume whatever he said yesterday had something to do with his father?” Emma asked, bile rising in her throat as she thought of the man who had caused her and children so much pain.

Julian’s face changed at her question, which only confirmed what Emma already knew. “Yes, he mentioned that he hurt you, I just wanted to clear that up. Whether this is just a misunderstanding from a child, or if there is something more to it?” Julian asked, and Emma took a deep breath and glanced over at her daughter before looking Julian in the eye. “My ex, and the father of Noah and Layla was...abusive. He never laid a finger on either child but her hurt me. I tried to hide what was happening from Noah but he’s not stupid, he knew what was going on. I was so scared for so long, which was I stayed. But then Layla as born and I knew, somehow, I had to leave, so I planned when I could, and one night, I packed what I could, took the children and left. I put as much distance as I could between us and them. I got them out but I fear Noah has been damaged despite his age and how much I tried to protect him” and despite the memories she felt a weight lifted on her shoulders.

A heavy silence fell between the two adults following Emma’s words. “I’m so sorry to hear that. Is there...anything I or the school can do to help you or your children?” Julian asked. Emma looked at her lap as she felt a lump in her throat at his words. It had been a long time since anyone had shown her any kindness and she had forgotten how to deal with it. Looking back up she said simply “this may sound stupid but, please let Noah continue going to your art club. I don’t understand it, but drawing, it seems to help him” and instead of a look of judgement looking back at her, Emma found a look of sympathetic understanding. “Of course. He can keep coming for as long as he needs to. If you’d like, I can ask our support team to see if we can use his enjoyment of drawing to help him process what help happened to him. It helped my daughter Ava when her mother died in a car accident” Julian replied which took Emma by surprise. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know” Emma started but Julian stopped her. “It’s ok, Ava and I, we’ve healed together. It’s you I’m worried about. Don’t think we’re just here for Noah. Like I said, if there is something I, or the school can do, please let us know” he said, just as the school bel went signalling the end of the school day. “Thank you” Emma got out as the door opened and Noah, holding the hand of the girl Emma realized was Ava, Julian’s daughter. “Hey sweetie, is this a friend of yours?” Emma asked, trying to act like she’d hadn’t just had a hugely emotional conversation. Noah grinned and looked at Ava then back at Emma. “This is Ava, she’s my best friend” he said and ths time Emma’s smile was genuine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of past grief and abuse, so read wth caution should this be a trigger!
> 
> Please, please, please leave your thoughts in a comment! It really does meana lot

About a month after the meeting with Julian, Emma and Layla were waiting for Noah to come out of his Art club. Layla was babbling away and Emma was talking back to her, when she noticed the other children coming out to their parents, and Julian waving them over. “Shall we see what he wants my love?” Emma asked her daughter as they walked over. Layla gave an enthusiastic “yep” in response which was her current thing, making Emma smile. “Is everything alright Mr Blackthorn?” she asked, aware there was still a few children within earshot and she didn’t want them knowing she was on first name terms with their art teacher. Julian waited until it was just Noah and Ava left before asking “Ava wants me to ask you if you, Noah and Layla would like to come to the park with us on Saturday?”.

Layla immediately piped up with a “Yep” and Emma could see Noah and Ava looking at her, waiting for her response. “Would you like to go Noah?” she asked and even before she’d finished the question he was nodding with an awful lot of enthusiasm. Looking back at Julian, she replied “well it seems these two would like to and it would be rude to say no. What time are you aiming to be there?” she responded, causing a cheer from two very excited seven years olds and a smile from an art teacher so gorgeous Emma was convinced it ought to be illegal.

By the time the weekend around, Noah was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. He’d not had a chance to do normal things like going on play dates before, so the whole thing was all very new and he couldn’t wait. It broke Emma’s heart but also warmed it as well to know he was finally getting to be a child, having normal childhood experiences. Somehow, Emma had managed to get him into a pair of dungarees before she let him bounce around a bit more whilst she got herself and Layla into sun dresses. Hers was a light blue with daisies whereas Layla’s was a yellow one with palm leaves. Emma then found herself in a predicament: to make up or not to make up. Today wasn’t about her: it was about Noah and his play date at the part, but she didn’t Julian to think she didn’t make the effort. Sure, he’d seen her without make up before, but this wasn’t exactly the school run. Eventually she decided to put a little bit on, enough to be subtly say “I made an effort” without making it look too much.

By the time she was done it was time to go to the park. It was a short walk, so once Layla was in her buggy, Emma grabbed the bag she’d prepared with a blanket and a picnic, she and her children set off to the park. Noah talked her ear off the entire way there, not letting Emma getting a word in edgeways. Not that Emma minded at all, her thoughts were racing. She felt guilty, today was supposed to be about her son and him going on a play date with his friend, but all she could think about was how beautiful Ava’s Dad was. “He may not even be looking for love” she kept having to remind herself. As the arrived at the park, she saw that Julian and Ava had already arrived and were waiting for them, which for some reason made Emma blush. 

“Oh I hope we didn’t keep you waiting” she said, once the greetings had been made. Julian have her a smile as Ava and Noah walked off ahead of them. “We were early. I tried making Ava wait but she was too excited and I ended up admitting defeat, and just decided to come early” Julian replied with a small shrug. It was then Emma noticed a small Charles Spaniel trotting, beside him. “Oh hello, I don’t think we’ve been introduced” giving the dog a quick scratch behind the ears. This time it was Julian’s turn to look a little embarrassed. “This is Dolly. I got her for Ava shortly after her Mum died, and she helped her through the grief of losing her” Julian said, and Emma’s face dropped. What did you say when someone mentioned the dead mother of his child?

“It’s OK, we’ve both healed, you don’t have to feel bad” he added on seeing her face. Moving the conversation on, he asked “what about you? Any pets or are your hands already full with Layla and Noah?” and Emma gave a small laugh despite herself. “No, but I did think about getting a dog after we moved, I just never got round to it” she answered. It was a conversation they continued until they found spot to set up base. Ava grabbed a kite and they took it in turns to fly it, as their parents sat on the blankets they had brought. Emma had gotten Layla out of her buggy and let her explore the area next to her. Taking a deep breath, Emma turned to Julian and said “I want to thank you, for everything you’ve done for Noah. It...it means a lot to me”. She’d wanted to say it for a while, but hadn’t had the chance. It was because of Julian, Noah had been able to get art therapy at school to deal with his birth dad, and was still going to the art club Julian ran.

Julian looked at her with a look of surprise on his face. “There is no need to thank me. From one parent to another, especially as a parent of a child whose had to deal with things no child should have to, it was the least I could do for him. And if there is anything, anything at all I can do for you, you must let me know” he said, and Emma felt herself go bright red, which made her look down at her lap, making her hair covering her face slightly. It wasn’t something she was used to, someone, especially a man, being kind to her. Julian picked up on her discomfort, and changed the conversation, by talking to Layla, who seemed delighted to have someone new to babble away to. At some point, and neither Julian nor Emma were entirely sure how it happened, she’d ended up sat on Julian’s lap, wanting to play. Emma found herself smiling despite herself.

Noah and Ava returned from playing and kite flying, demanding to be fed, and their parents had to agree. Emma did feel a little guilty at seeing how nice Julian and Ava’s picnic looked compared to the one she’d prepared. Mason; her ex, had drilled in that only he was allowed to have nice food, and Emma and the children were only allowed basic, plain food, and even that had been rationed. Emma had always made sure her children ate, meaning she’d often gone hungry. Even though Mason was out of the picture, she still struggled allowing them to have nice food. She was making progress but seeing the picnic Julian and his daughter were tucking into made her realise she still had a long way to go. She just hoped no one else noticed how different the food was. She also hoped no one noticed she’d hardly eaten anything. She was still very much stuck in the mind-set of “above all else, make sure the children are fed. You will always come second. Never put yourself first”. It was this attitude that meant that Emma was very slim, and did what she could to hide it to avoid any unwanted questions. 

What she hadn’t appreciated was that Julian was someone who noticed things. With four younger siblings and then later being a single parent, he’d had to become good at noticing things. Things the fact that Emma hardly ate and tried to hide it. But how exactly did one go about bringing up something like that? He could hardly straight up ask her about it: there were too many little ears about and he hardly knew her, despite the fact he very much wanted to. He’d figure something out somehow. 

Having finished eating and being convinced to sit long enough to let their food go down, Ava and Noah went off to play some more. Julian glanced over at Emma who had Layla on her lap and was watching her son and his daughter running around enjoying some game they were creating. “Seems like they are enjoying themselves” Julian started and Emma laughed in agreement. “We ought to exchange numbers, you know in case they want another play date” he added. It was a terrible excuse to get her number and they both knew it. “I commend your effort for trying” Emma said smiling as she got her phone out, and handed it to Julian to put his number in, then calling his phone she he had hers as well. Eventually it was time to leave, causing a lot of crumbling from Noah and Ava. Despite himself, Julian watched Emma and her family walk away, smiling to himself. 

“You like Noah’s Mummy don’t you Daddy?” Ava asked, although it sounded more od a statement than a question. “Yes sweetheart I do” he admitted, deciding to just be honest with himself and his daughter. “Are you going to tell her?” Ava asked, looking up at him with wide eyes, and Julian gave a sad smile before going “Not yet. I... don’t think now is a good time for Noah’s Mummy having people tell her they like her. No in the way I like her” he answered. Ava didn’t seem phased by that answer as she said “you’ll tell her when she’s ready won’t you Daddy. Promise me?” and who was Julian to say no?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discussions of past abuse and character death!
> 
> As always please leave a comment to let me know what you think!

A few months after the picnic, and several more playdates, Emma found herself taking two very excited children to the local soft play centre, for another playdate with the Blackthorn Father Daughter duo. Emma had gotten used to being around Julian and not feeling weird about it. Mason hadn’t really let her socialise that much when they had been together, and on the few occasions she’d actually been able to go out and be around other humans, he only liked her to be with other women. It reached a point where simply saying a “good morning” or an “excuse me” to a man that wasn’t him could cause so many problems because how dare she talk to a man that wasn’t him. It had been one of the reasons that Emma had struggled making friends after the move. It was also why she’d taken a while to feel comfortable, truly comfortable around Julian. The guilt however, of being with someone whom she wasn’t dating was still at the pit of her stomach and was something she was working hard on.

Noah and Ava had gone running off the second they had gotten the chance, and Emma had found herself sat in the ball pond with Layla, with Julian casually perched on the side occasionally tossing Layla a ball to catch and clapping when she did and pulling faces at her that made her giggle. “This is what life could have been. Layla having a paternal figure in her life, who actually wanted to be there and engage with her, rather than see her as a role in the facade of a perfect family”. She had to snap herself out of her thoughts. She and Julian were simply the parents of two children who happened to be best friends and enjoyed being in each other’s company. As much as Emma wanted a new relationship, and wanted Noah and Layla to have the father figure they never really had, she wasn’t sure if she was ready for one. And if anyone was ready for someone like her, someone who was still so very damaged on the inside.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Julian asked, and Emma shook her head and looked up, seeing Julian looking at her with concern in his ocean coloured eyes. Emma swallowed, trying to decide if she said admitted her thoughts to Julian. It wasn’t something you could just pour out to someone, especially one you were still getting to know. Plus it was still very complicated and painful for Emma and she wasn’t sure she necessarily had the words for everything she was thinking and feeling. “I was thinking how I’m still getting used to whatever...this is” she said, doing a vague hand gesture. Julian remained silent, giving her the space to say what she was prepared to say. Taking a deep breath, Emma continued talking, “when I was at school, I was one of the popular kids. I was never short of friends, people I could be around, be me around. I then started dating Mason and things changed” she added.

“One by one, I saw less of my friends. Mason would ask me why I’d need friends when had him. “Am I not enough?” he’d ask and for some stupid reason I brought the logic. But he wasn’t enough. Not for me, not for the children. We’d be the perfect family when it suited, but he’d then he was off busy with his friends and I had to stay home and play Mother. As much as I love Noah and Layla, I wanted my own social circle, which probably makes me seem really selfish. So, me being with adults my own age, men my own age is something I’m having to re-learn. And watching how you interact with Layla just made me see how much she’s missed out on having a decent male role model in her life” she said, and quickly stopped talking, thinking she had said too much and things would be tense between her and Julian.

Much to her surprise, Julian didn’t blanche or shuffle away from her. “It’s not selfish to want to have friends Emma or a better life for your children. He tried to break you but you’re still here. Sure, you need time to heal from that but you are healing and that’s the best revenge you can have. When Lucinda died, I felt guilty for even looking at another woman. But I knew that I couldn’t be like that forever. She’d want Ava and I to move on, for Ava to be surrounded by powerful woman. Not just woman she was related to her either. Has the guilt gone? Absolutely not, but seeing her with you makes me see I’m doing the right thing, for both her and me” he said, and they both sat in silence, neither sure what to say. 

“What helped you getting talking to people again?” Emma asked, and Julian gave her one of his glorious smiles. “Getting a dog. Dolly was mostly for Ava but when people see you with a dog, it seems like a good conversation starter. You should get one” he said. Emma had always wanted a dog, but had never gotten round to one. It was of course, this part of the conversation that Noah and Ava decided to come into within earshot. “What should Emma get?” Ava asked, totally not caring that it was rude to listen into someone else’s conversation and then to join in. Giving Emma a grin which said “I’m sorry but not really” he said “I was saying she ought to get a Dog”. Emma just glared at him as Noah immediately began pleading his mother for a dog. Having given Julian what she hoped was a “this s all your fault” look, Emma signed before going “well I guess we could see what dogs are at the shelter this afternoon?” resulting in her having a very happy son.

Having said goodbye to Ava and Julian a couple of hours later, Emma, Noah and Layla went to the local animal shelter to find a dog. Noah hadn’t stopped talking about it, not that Emma minded at all. Mason hadn’t allowed them to have a dog, so going to get a dog felt like some sort of rebellion. “Try and stop me now” Emma found herself thinking as they entered the animal shelter and were shown to the kennels. They took their time looking at every single dog, reading the page of information available on each dog and deciding if they would fit into their family. They hadn’t had much luck, until they came to the last kennel, with a miserable looking Siberian husky lying in it. From the information, Emma learnt that the dog was called Bear and hadn’t had much luck with adoption. Somehow Emma knew that this was the dog for them, and Noah seemed to be in agreement.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of past abuse and character death.
> 
> As always please let me know what you think in a comment

~Julian P.O.V~

Once a month the Blackthorn’s would have a “family day”, with a different Blackthorn hosting each month, and this time it was the turn of the oldest Blackthorn sibling; Helen and her wife along with their three children:, Bryn, Hyacinth and Opal. As much as Ava loved spending time with her Dad, she also loved spending time with all her cousins, as it meant playing with children her own age. As a result, she and Julian were often the first to arrive on such family occasions, which was how Julian found himself sat on the back steps of his family home with a mug of coffee watching his daughter creating some game with her family. Shortly after Julian and Ava had arrived, the second oldest Blackthorn Mark had arrived, with his wife, husband and their own children, and somehow Aline, Kieran and Cristina had been dragged into whatever game their children had created, leaving Julian alone with his brother and sister.

“I know that face Jules. You want to talk about it?” Mark asked, giving his brother a sideways glance. Jules and Mark might have knocked heads when they had been teenagers, but he couldn’t fault how observant his brother was, especially when it came to the ones he loved. He also knew that both he and Helen were incredibly stubborn and if they even suspected that something was up with their brother, they wouldn’t drop the subject until they got an answer. Sighing, Julian decided to talk. “Ava’s got this friend at school, called Noah. He and his family moved to the area to...leave a situation” he started, knowing he would need to choose his words carefully. He’d need to explain at least some of the families past for things to make sense, but he also knew he’d have to respect Emma and the children’s privacy. It wasn’t his story to share ultimately and he certainly didn’t want to betray their trust.

“Since being put into Ava’s class and joining the art club, Noah and Ava have become best friends. It’s rare you see one without the other at school. Meaning his mum, Emma and I have arranged playdates for them so they can see each other out of school” he continued before stopping. After a couple of moments of silence, Helen said “somehow I think there is more to this than Ava getting a new friend. I know she struggled socially when Lucinda died so I’m glad she’s got this Noah as a friend but I doubt that her new friends is the cause of whatever is going on with you” which was followed by a pointed look from Helen, and a look of agreement from Mark. Despite himself, Julian laughed. 

“During these playdates, I’ve spent a lot of time with Noah’s Mum and baby sister. And this is the predicament I find myself in. I...I like Emma, Noah’s mum. More than simply ‘oh our children our friends and as a result we’ve seen a lot of each other’ sort of way and it just feels different than simply being friends” Julian explained, and both Mark and Helen nodded in understanding but before either could respond the doorbell rang and Helen went to let in the remaining Blackthorns, and after the obligatory greetings, the children, Dru, Kit and Tavvy joined the others outside, whilst Ty slide of to the quiet of the family library; Helen, Mark and Jules were able to resume their conversation on the back steps.

“Have you told her how you feel? Or even given any indication of how you feel?” Mark asked, and Julian shook his head. He knew, realistically his siblings, more than most, would understand that relationships weren’t as straight forward as “boy and girl meet, fall in love, marry their first love and live happily ever after” but somehow this felt different. “I haven’t felt able to. Emma’s last relationship...well it wasn’t great. So, I don’t want her to force something new onto her if she isn’t ready. And I feel like if I allow myself to tell Emma how I feel, then I’m betraying Lucinda and Ava will think I’m replacing her Mum” Julian answered and stared at his lap. Saying it all out loud both made the situation feel real but also took a weight off his shoulders. Mark looked at his brother and signed "There's no harm in being honest. By the sounds of it neither of you are going to be in a commited relationship any time soon. But simply saying “hey I like you, and I’d like to spend time you as an individual” wouldn’t hurt. Anyway, Ava would love the chance to spend more time with her cousins and any one of us would be happy to babysit her” he added. “I guess saying something wouldn’t hurt if I do it right” Julian agreed, his head whirling with just how the ‘right way’ would be.

~Emma P.O.V~

Having dropped Noah off at school, and Layla at the crèche ran by the sports centre she worked at, Emma sat down in her office. She didn’t have any clients that day, so planned on tackling the huge pile of paperwork on her desk that never seemed to go anywhere regardless of how many hours she’d spent trying to go through it. She’d probably have to start taking it home with her to stand a chance of not getting lost in a backlog of work. She didn’t mind too much though as the paperwork gave her an excuse to not have to engage with her co-workers. It wasn’t that they seemed like bad people, but other than Julian, and to an extent her line manager Diana, she hadn’t really have much experience with friends, and didn’t want to show off her lack of social skills, or run the risk of bringing up her relationship, or rather ex-relationship and have her co-workers act weird around her. She’s decided a long time ago that the best thing for her was to simply minimise the amount of people she really let into her broken little life.

A couple of hours later, a knock on her office door sounded and Diana’s voice came from the other side going “only me, and a hot chocolate” which made Emma smile as she let the other woman in. Diana had been the one who’d given the job in the first place, and had made arrangements to make work, and Emma’s life as a single parent to two young children actually work. Diana didn’t know all the details about Emma’s life before, but she knew enough to know that she wanted to check in with Emma over a hot chocolate every so often, just to see how she was doing. “How’s everything going?” she asked after the obligatory small talk. Emma knew Diana well enough to know precisely what she was talking about with this question. In fact, she’d been planning what and how she was going to say in this very conversation.

“The kids and I are adopting a dog. A Siberian Husky called Bear” she started, taking a sip from her drink as Diana raised an eyebrow from the seat opposite, she’d occupy whenever she came in for one of her chats with Emma. “Whose idea was that then?” Diana prompted and Emma gave her a shy smile. “I’ve wanted a dog for years but, well I think you can work out why I didn’t. But I recently was on a play date with Noah and a friend of his from school. His friends Dad, well he suggested about a dog, and well, it was the push I needed to actually go for it” Emma admitted and this time it was Diana’s turn smile. “This man, is he just the parent of your son’s friend or is he something more? Given you take his suggestions when he makes them?” Diana asked slyly and Emma blushed.

“Technically speaking he’s the Dad of my son’s best friend but recently I can’t help but hope there was more to it than that. But I’m also scared of it being more than that. He’s a really good guy, but he’s got his own demons and certainly deserves a whole lot better than me” Emma admitted, causing Diana lean forward and gently place her hand on Emma’s. “Emma listen to me. You, perhaps more than anyone I know deserves to be happy. Mason is no longer in your life and the best revenge you could serve out is for you to not only move on with your life and show him that despite him telling you that ‘you’re nothing without him’ you’re a fierce independent woman, raising her children to stand on their own two feet and who all go out taking whatever makes them happy and have their lives together. If part of that involves you having...something between this guy and yourself, something only the pair of you two can work out then so be it. Promise me you’ll at least have an open and honest conversation with him Emma and if he’s even half the man he seems he’ll at least hear you out.”

Diana’s words took Emma aback. It had been a very log time since someone had told her she was worth goodness and she really wanted to believe it. “I promise Diana” she got out before Diana had to take a call but Emma knew what she needed to do and she took her phone out and opened up the chat she had with Julian, and before her feeling of bravery left her, she sent a massage to Julian, asking if there was a chance they could meet up, just the two of them as she had something to discuss. Julian immediately replied, planning when and where and asked if she’d like one his numerous siblings to keep an eye on Noah and Layla as he’d probably ask them to do the same with Ava. Emma found herself smiling for the rest of the day despite herself, having taken Julian up on his suggestion and finalised their plans.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been sitting in my drafts for ages, and has taken me forever to write. Please let me know what you think!!!

"Noah, are you ready to go?" Emma asked, picking up her son's bag which had everything he'd need for his playdate. She and Julian had planned to go to a cafe without the children to talk, and he'd asked one of his brothers to look after Ava and her own children as well. Apparently his brother, Mark and his wife Cristina would be out doing something work related, but Mark's husband Kieran would be happy to babysit. He'd sent Emma the address and said he'd meet her there. Emma felt nervous allowing someone to look after her children but knew Julian wouldn't suggest anyone who'd even consider harming her children. Plus he was leaving his own daughter with him so that had to count for something.

Noah came bounding into the room clutching his most prize possession: a toy dinosaur and announced he was ready. Layla was already in her buggy and clapped at the arrival of her brother. It warmed Emma's heart seeing the two most important people in her life in her life happy. Mason might have destroyed a lot of things in Emma's life but at least he'd given her Noah and Layla. Checking the time, Emma decided it was time to go and the three of them left the house.

Noah was telling Emma everything Ava had been told him about her Uncle's and Aunt. She's been delighted that Noah could meet more of her family (which was apparently very large) other than just her Dad. At least Noah had some idea of who he would be staying with. Layla seemed to be intently listening to her brother as much as an eighteen month old child could intently listen and the look of concentration on her face seemed almost comical. On reaching the street, Emma checked the address again, not that she'd needed to, she'd read it enough she'd memorized it and could say it in her sleep. 

She'd needn't have bothered as Julian and Ava had arrived, and Ava was waving excitedly at her friend. Emma found herself shyly smiling at Julian. It was Ava who knocked on the door, and a blue haired man opened the door, making her laugh and give him a big hug exclaiming "Uncle Kieran!". Despite initially looking grumpy, the man at the door gave a warm smile and returned his Niece's hug before giving Julian a friendly nod. Kieran and Julian had a rough start but had slowly built a relationship between them. Neither had wanted to admit they cared for the other on their own merit so used Mark as a buffer in the sense of "you matter to Mark therefore you matter to me" but everyone knew it was more than that but pretended to believe it for their sake. 

Kieran the invited everyone in, even helping Emma with Layla's buggy and coed over Layla who seemed to revel in the attention. Picking her daughter up, Emma allowed Kieran to quickly show her around the house as Julian kept Noah and Ava entertained. The house had a very natural feel, with lots of wooden structures and plants everywhere. There were loads of photos of people Emma assumed to be various family members, but two faces seemed to appear frequently alongside Kieran's, a blonde man with bicoulored eyes whom Emma assumed was Mark and a beautiful Latina woman Emma guessing was Cristina. They returned back to the children and Julian, who had been joined by a couple more children.

"Ava's cousins. The oldest is called Sapphire, then you have Kian and Killian and the youngest is Maria" Julian explained and Emma hadn't even realized he'd appeared next to her. She recognized them all from picking Noah from school, and Julian had said they would be their. They were all asking Noah questions and seemed to just want to get to know this new face. Ava stood next to her friend, proudly showing him off to her cousins. "You ready to go?" He asked, knowing how big this was for Emma. Taking a deep breath, Emma nodded and Julian gave Kieran a quick wave, beckoning him over. 

"I think we're going to head off now" he informed his brother in law who nodded and glanced at Emma, who realized she was still holding Ava. "Mumma's going with Julian for a little bit so your going to stay with Noah, and some of Ava's family. You be a good girl ok?" Emma said, getting an enthusiastic "Yep!!" From Layla before passing her over to Kieran. "I've left some stuff for them in the bag on her buggy and my number if you need anything?" She said to Kieran, who gave her a sympathetic look. "They'll be well looked after here. Plus Ava is very protective of her friends" he replied and Emma couldn't help but smile. 

Julian looked over to the playing children calling out "Ava, Noah! We're off now so be good and have fun" to which they both waved and shouted their goodbyes, with Noah quickly running to give his Mum a hug before returning to the game they were all playing. Emma took a deep breath before turning and following Julian out the door. Julian gave Emma a sideways glance asking "you ok?". Emma nodded knowing that they all needed this: her trusting someone else to look after them. "I think so. They seem in safe hands" she said, more to convince herself than anything else and that was that. Julian offered to drive them to a local coffee shop he often went to to talk. Just as Julian was getting into the car, he saw Kieran peeping out of the window, reminding Julian of a white suburban housewife. Shooting Kieran the middle finger, he got into the driver's side of the car. 

Julian wasn't used to talking about his feelings with people he wasn't related to but knew he had to be honest about this, for himself and for Emma. As they got to the cafe, both Julian and Emma could feel the slight tension in the air between them. They both had things to say and they both knew that, and both were scared that what they had to say would ruin whatever they had between them. Emma ordered a mocha (not being a fan of coffee, it seemed to her the most logical thing would be to order a coffee that mostly tasted like chocolate) and Julian asked for a strong black coffee before taking a seat at a table by a window. Deciding they had had long enough, both at his brother's house and in the car to get the small talk out of the way, he tentatively asked "you said you wanted to talk about something without the risk of little ears listening in?" Whilst also gauging Emma's reaction. Taking a sip of coffee, as though to steady herself, Emma started talking.

"For a long time, I didn't really have many people in my life. My parents died in a boating accident when I was a kid and I didn't have any siblings. But I had a large social group. Then...then Mason happened. Slowly I lost contact with all my friends. It was him and me. We had Noah but, well you know what it's like to have a small child" she started before taking another sip of coffee, steading herself. Julian gave Emma an understanding look. "After I had left with the children, I was scared of letting people in. Scared of another person hurting me the way he had hurt me. Then Noah became friends with Ava and started your art club. We went on play dates. I started to think how I was enjoying spending time with you. I was scared to allow myself to have any sort feelings towards you, because I'd get hurt. And yet I couldn't stop myself. I was convinced you'd not want me and by saying all of this I've ruined whatever was between us" she finished and a silence fell between them. 

Emma felt a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Even if Julian walked away having heard her confession at least she had confessed, had been honest. It had been terrifying but she'd done it and felt oddly proud of herself. Julian meanwhile was trying to process what Emma had told him. There he was, about to confess feelings to Emma only she'd beat him to it. "You haven't ruined anything Emma" he said eventually, and had been about to continue when Emma gave him a sad smile. "If you're saying that to be nice if rather you didn't. I ruin most things I know that" she interrupted which only pissed Julian off, knowing that Mason had probably made her think that. "I mean it Emma. You haven't ruined anything. See, the reason I agreed to meet, not just because I enjoy your company was because I also have something I need to get off my chest" he started and Emma fell silent, allowing him the time and space to speak, as he'd done for her.

"Lucinda and I, we started dating in school. We moved in together after graduation and shortly after that she became pregnant with Ava. Sure we weren't married but that didn't bother us. As cliche as it sounds we knew we'd be "together forever" and marriage would happen eventually. Then the car accident happened and well, you know how that ended and I thought "well I guess it's just me and Ava against the world". My family helped me through my grief and tried to "expand my social circle" as "Lucinda wouldn't want you to be lonely". I tried to reason that I wasn't lonely. I had my family, people I worked with but even I could hear the lies. Then a new boy joined my art club and became best friends with my daughter. I did what every caring parent would do and arranged playdates which also meant that I found myself spending time with his mum. You. And...I realized I actually enjoyed these meetings. Not just because Ava was happy but because I was as well. I enjoyed being with you. Then the guilt set in, that I was somehow being disloyal to Lucinda, not to mention I didn't want to force you into anything you didn't feel ready for". Julian stopped then, feeling like he was rambling and stared at his coffee mug.

There was a silence that followed, both processing what had been said, and what it all meant. It was Emma who broke the silence after what seemed like an eternity. "So, in a nutshell, I like you, and you like me. But both of us have emotional baggage and don't want to push the other into something they don't want to have. So...where do we go from here. We can't just pretend this whole conversation never happened" she said and Julian nodded in agreement. "Would...you like something to happen from this... between us?" He asked timidly, scared he'd gone too far or Emma would just straight up say no. But to his surprise Emma gave a shy smile and nodded. After a moment's thought, he continued "we could have something more between us then. We don't have to label anything yet and let nature take its course but we could try. How does that sound?" And to his surprise, Emma gently linked her fingers into his and with a smile, said "I'd like that very much".


	7. Chapter 7

Noah had hardly reached Emma when he had thrust a card into her face. “Mummy, Ava’s invited me to her ladybug birthday party. Can I go? Please Mummy!?” and Emma found herself chuckling to herself. Julian had messaged her the night before, to say he and Ava had begun planning her eighth birthday, and had insisted it be ladybug themed, that Noah, his mum and sister would be invited, and that she had to have the ‘biggest cake ever’. Emma had decided to keep this information to herself and give Noah the impression that he would be the first person in their family to have access to this information. “Sounds lovely Noah, when is it?” she asked, again pretending that Julian hadn’t actually told her.

Noah continued babbling about his best friend’s birthday party, with Emma mentally trying to work out where exactly she was going to buy two ladybug themed costumes, one for Noah and one for Layla, with her very limited budget (once she’d paid rent, bills and food she was left with very little left) not that she was going to let Noah let onto her worry. Just they were approaching their apartment building, they found themselves bumping into the three elderly sisters who lived in the flat below them. They seemed like the stereotypical little old ladies as far as Emma was concerned but she hadn’t allowed her to get to know them, or any of her neighbours for that matter. Not that it had stopped the sisters trying to get the newest family in the block.

“Sounds like a lovely party you’re going to” the oldest sister Betsy commented and Noah responded with a huge beam on his face. She glanced at Emma, before saying “Looks like you’re going to have two very cute ladybugs with these two when they are all costumed up” only to see Emma’s face fall slightly. Saving her oldest sister, the youngest of the sister Delores spoke up, saying “I believe the lady who lives next to you, Gabriela has her own clothing business and makes clothing, perhaps you could ask her for something? I believe her daughter Mariana is the same age as your son, and I have a feeling she’s also going to a ladybug party” and Emma could feel both her children’s eyes on her. For a long time, she’d had an issue with the concept of asking for, and accepting help. 

When she’d been with Mason, he was the only person she could ask for help, even for things around the house. If there had been a maintenance issue, he’d be the one to call out the appropriate person, who was normally a mate of him. He’d flown into a rage when he’d suspected Emma had called a plumber for a leaky pipe despite having no actual evidence to back his suspicions up. When she had finally left him, she’d made the decision that she wouldn’t allow herself rely on anyone other than herself for anything. It seemed that the women picked up on her unease. “See it as helping out a local business” the youngest sister, whom Emma knew was called Margaret, and it was a line she felt like she could deal with. “Um yeah, sure. Sounds like a plan” Emma replied much to the delight of her children and her neighbours’.

Emma had assumed that her agreement would be the end of the conversation, so when she found herself outside her next door neighbour with a tiny Brazilian lady standing opposite her, she wasn’t entirely sure what exactly had happened. “Um...The ladies downstairs said you might be able to help with some ladybug costumes for my children to wear for a birthday party?” she said, not entirely sure if it was a statement or a question. The lady, Gabriela, smiled and stood to one side, allowing Emma, Noah and Layla into her home. “They informed you correctly. You need them for Ava Blackthorn’s birthday I take it? My oldest also got her invite today” she said, and there was something about her and her brightly coloured home that relaxed her. “That’s the one” Emma started before blurting out (due to her slight nervousness) “I haven’t seen you with the other parents during collection time. I assume that your daughter and my son must be in the same class?” and immediately felt stupid, not that the other lady seemed to mind. “My husband does the school run. He works at the local church down the road from the school and his shifts work with dropping my girls off and picking them up again” she explained. 

Sensing Emma’s slight discomfort, she turned her attention to the costumes, and somehow Emma found herself agreeing to have something made (not anything over the top, Gabriela promised, but could subtly match the theme and could easily be worn as normal day wear) and they arranged payment methods before Emma thanked her, took her children next door for their dinner, baths and bed time. Once both children were fast asleep, Emma found herself face timing Julian. She could tell he’d been painting (probably something for his daughter’s birthday) as he had a blob of red paint in his hair. They discussed how their days had ben and how party preparations. “Kieran’s still asking about when he gets to meet my ‘pretty lady friend’ but thankfully Cristina keeps reminding him its none of his business and to stop asking” Julian told Emma, making him smile. Julian had told her about his siblings, their partners and children to ‘prepare her for Ava’s party as they would all be there’. They all seemed lovely although there was something about this Cristina that made Emma think she would be someone she’d like to get to know.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken me forever to write an update! I'm not 100 % with this chapter but I hope that it's ok! Let me know what you think/like to see in the comments

It was the day of Ava's birthday and Emma had no idea how to feel. Things between her and Julian, whatever it was, was going well. They hadn't told anyone, not even their own children whilst they figured things out. It would be the first time she would meet Julian's family with the exception of a brother in law, and a couple of nieces and nephews. Noah and Layla were both very excited of course, and Emma felt a small part of their excitement but was also absolutely terrified at the same time. It had been a long time since she'd been to a party, a children's one or otherwise, and she wasn't sure if she remembered how to to act. But before she had time to overthink further, Noah rushed into the room with Ava's birthday present, and they were ready to go.

Despite having been the Julian's house before, due to their children having play dates, Emma hadn't actually gone in further than the hallway. So when they arrived and we're greeted by Julian and Ava (who immediately wanted to show of her lady bug dress that her Auntie Helen had made) Emma found herself a little unsure of herself. Once the children had gone off (Noah and Ava had each taken one of Layla's hands and walked off to the other children. Layla could walk but often needed some help) Julian gave Emma a small smile, and neither quite knew what to do as where still establishing what they where. "You look beautiful" Julian said and Emma blushed. It had been a long time since someone had complimented her.

"The kids are in the lounge, but most of the adults are in the kitchen. Shall I introduce you?' Julian asked and Emma found herself agreeing. As Julian was talking, she realized that most of the other adults there were family of Julian as apposed to other parents, meaning Emma felt somewhat out of place. Part of her was tempted to make her excuses and go home, to come back when the party was over, but the words didn't come to her. The first two people Julian introduced her too, Emma immediately recognized one of them. "Kieran you've already met. He's the white suburban middle aged house wife who looked after our kids that day" Julian started getting a scowl off Kieran. "And this is Cristina. I have a feeling you two will get on very well" Julian continued. Before he could continue he had to leave because the doorbell had gone again. Kieran immediately launched into asking Emma so many questions it made her head spin. 

Cristina gently put her hand on her husband's arm saying "Mi Amor. She's only just arrived and doesn't know us. Give her a chance to breath. Why don't you help Mark to do a better job of balloon animals?" Kieran gave her s soft smile and a kiss on the cheek before joining a blonde man on the floor with some balloons and surrounded by children, some of which Emma recognized as some of Ava's cousins. Cristina gave Emma a sympathetic look. "Despite how Julian and Kieran act around each other they do care about each other. Since Lucinda died we've all worried about Julian. He's not had many new people in his life then you somehow made your way in. So naturally there is interest in you. Thankfully the rest of us have more self control and tact. Now, can I get you a drink or some food?" 

Emma found herself relax and asked if she could have a soft drink and Cristina obliged and they found a spot to sit, and Cristina made a point out people and do introductions. "Kieran you know. The blonde man he's with in our husband Mark. Our relationship might not be conventional but it works for us. The blonde woman behind them who looks like Mark is his sister Helen. She and Mark are the Blackthorn's half siblings. Same Dad, different mum, but as far as the rest of the Blackthorn's are concerned they are just as much full siblings as the rest. They are just another brother and sister, no halves about it. The small asian woman with her arm around Helen is her wife Aline. She may be tiny but she's fierce. You mess with Aline or anyone she she cares about and you'll regret it. Helen's the oldest Blackthorn, with Mark being a couple of years younger" Cristina began.

There was a short silence as they had some of their drinks before Cristina spoke again. You see they man with black hair and headphones around her neck? That's Ty. His twin sister Livvy died when they were in their teens. He and Kit, who was were friends at the time, went their separate ways for a couple of years before reuniting. They've been together ever since and have adopted a couple of children. Kits the blonde guy who keeps floating between Ty and everyone else. Kit was lost when they met and Ty's Autistic. But somehow they work together as a couple." Emma had heard Julian talk about Ty and it was clear that from all the siblings, Ty always held a special part of Julian, which said a lot seeing how much he clearly loved and protected all of them.

"Who next...oh yes Dru. She's the one with red dye in her hair. Which is new by the way. Apparently it was inspired by her beloved horror movies" Cristina added and despite herself, Emma smiled. "I think it's also because Dru wanted to do something just for herself. I don't blame her. Mark and Julian were a bit taken aback when they saw it but I think it suits her. And they guy next to her that looks far too skinny? That's the youngest Blackthorn sibling. Tavvy. He's training to be a social worker. I don't know what Julian has told you and it's not my place to say too much but...the Blackthorn's went through hell when they were younger. It took its toll on all of them, in different ways. Tavvy, well, he was always skinny despite everyone's best efforts. He doesn't want anyone else going through that hence the career choice. I think I've covered everyone" Cristina finished and Emma could feel her head spinning, desperately trying to remember all the names and faces of everyone Cristina had told her about. 

"So what about you, mystery girl? Like I said Julian has centered his life around his siblings and their families and his daughter for years. None of us thought he'd look at anyone twice since Lucinda died. Then all of a sudden he started talking about you. This mysterious Emma Carstairs. All we know is that your son and his daughter are best friends and you and Julian have become...well let's just say Julian thinks very highly of you!" Cristina said and looked at Emma with a raised eyebrow. Emma went as red as a tomato. "Oh uh, Julian and I are just friends. And there isn't much to say about me" she said. Mason had made it near impossible for her to meet people, new or existing acquaintances. It was only recently she had started opening up to Julian meaning she was well and truly out of practice about talking about herself and had absolutely no idea where to start or what to say. Cristina seemed to pick up on Emma's slight discomfort Cristina took sympathy and changed tactics.

"How about we'll take it in turns giving information about ourselves?" She asked and Emma nodded in agreement. "Ok well I'll start. I wasn't actually born here. Originally I'm from Mexico. Mexico City to be exact. My mother still lives there and I have a couple of cousins who split their time between here and there" she said. Emma's eyes had lit up on hearing Mexico city as it was on her bucket list of places to visit. "Oh I've always wanted to go to Mexico city!" She exclaimed and for some unexplained reason felt embarrassed so stopped herself and moved on. "I've only been in this town a few months. I moved here with my children as...we needed a new start and a break from the past" she explained not sure whether or not she ought to mention the crazy ex. Thankfully Cristina didn't push any further. "Well this is a good place for a new start. What do you do for work? I work with my husband Mark as a Political Psychologist. He's a Diplomat" she said, giving Mark a soft loving look over her shoulder.

Emma found herself feeling inferior by Cristina's comment despite knowing logically it hasn't been the other woman's intention to make her feel that way. Julian had said his family were intelligent, with good jobs with good pay and only now was Emma realizing how true that was and had half a mind to flee. After a slight pause, Cristina asked asked if Emma was involved in any sports outside work and Emma's face lit up. She could discuss sport, that, she felt was something she could do. "Well, I used to do loads. Like a different sport each evening of the week almost. I was on a Hockey team, as well as a Rugby one, as well as doing cross country running, mixed martial arts and boxing. I did a bit of cycling as well on a less regular basis. But since the move I've not had a chance to even consider starting them up again, not to mention I'd need to find someone to look after the children" she replied, and Cristina seemed to smile at how much Emma had picked up. "Oh I could help with those. Kieran seemed to really enjoy babysitting, plus our own children seemed to really accept yours. Mark and I would also be happy to help out as well. Not to mention the Blackthorns seem to know everyone and anyone. So if they know of any teams and so on I can hand the information on?" She asked and Emma found herself accepting Cristina's offer, even exchanging each others numbers.

Their conversation continued in a very similar fashion. Both Emma and Cristina enjoyed clothes shopping in independent and charity shops, and Cristina promised to show Emma all her favourite shops. Emma told of her family's plans to adopt Bear the Siberian husky, and Cristina found herself showing a picture of her dogs; a Pug called Barley and a Chihuahua called Princess, which resulted in them agreeing to become "dog walking buddies''. They were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn't notice Ava convince Kieran, Helen and Kit to help her and Noah get their parents together. Despite their young age, they could see that Emma and Julian made each other happy. Not to mention Ava missed having a Mummy, and knew she liked Emma, and Noah had always wanted a Daddy he could play with like all the other kids at school.


End file.
